Forty-two and still adorable, Matthew Broderick weighs in on the gender
debate, superhero crushes, and Marlon Brando's words of rear-end wisdom
Matthew Broderick may have acted in some 30 movies since 1986's Ferris Bueller's Day Off,
but perhaps only now, at 42, with some gray hair and a two-year-old
son, can he show his face on the street with no threat of someone
droning at him—for the sixty thousandth time—“Bueller?… Bueller?!” (He
can forget ball games: The poor guy will be eligible for senior citizen
discounts and still get the “Why aren't you in school? Is this your day
off?” line.) Now, with two Tonys and a pair of
box-office-record-breaking runs in The Producers to his credit,
he's returning to New York theater—and ducking the inevitable
stage-door cheek squeezers—in the Roundabout Theatre Company's
off-Broadway revival of Larry Shue's farce The Foreigner. (Next year he'll be hyperventilating through the big-screen Producers
adaptation.) One question for Broderick, who has been married to Sarah
Jessica Parker since 1997: How do Daddy and little James Wilke find
floor space for toy cars with Mommy's Manolos filling the
apartment?—Andrew Goldman
ELLE: What's the best advice you ever got about women?
MATTHEW BRODERICK: My father and I were out once when I was in
my teens, and he got some black licorice for my mom. He told me it's
good to get little presents. It doesn't matter what, but it shows a
woman you're thinking about her.
ELLE: When you were younger, were you more popular with girls or their moms?
MB: I remember hiding from the moms.
ELLE: If you were told today that you would have to spend the rest of your life as a woman, who would you be?
MB: Eleanor Roosevelt.
ELLE: I guess your choice would limit the ogling factor. Who was your first crush from popular culture?
MB: I liked the Bionic Woman. I was impressed that she could
hear so well. When I was very little I had a crush on the street urchin
from [Charlie Chaplin's] Modern Times, Paulette Goddard. She's so beautiful when she's scrounging food by the docks.
ELLE: Is there anything you did in love that you regret now?
MB: There are people I regret endlessly staying with, and some fights—you know, dramatic youthful things that now seem stupid.
ELLE: But isn't there always that rough period when you have to work out some hormonal angst in bad relationships?
MB: Absolutely. Richard Pryor said you're not a man until you've had your heart broken.
ELLE: When was yours first broken?
MB: In high school. Several times. Every two weeks, actually.
ELLE: How did you deal with it?
MB: I smoked pot, which of course makes you feel worse and worse and worse. It didn't take me long to figure that out.
ELLE: It also gives you man breasts.
MB: Which is certainly bad.
ELLE: What's the biggest difference between the sexes?
MB: I always thought people generalized too much about men and
women, but my son loves cars and trucks and trains, and my best
friend's little daughter goes for the dolls. So I've had to admit that
there are basic differences between the sexes, as much as I've tried to
deny it.
ELLE: You don't think that parents are hesitant to throw dolls at their boys?
MB: We weren't hesitant to give him girl toys. We gave him a
doll and a little carriage that he pushes around. But unlike his friend
Nellie, who puts her doll in the carriage and nurtures it, he smashes
his into the table.
ELLE: How many pairs of shoes do you own, and how many does your wife own?
MB: I own too many for a man, which I consider a big failing. Fifteen pairs or so.
ELLE: Including athletic footwear?
MB: Throw those in and we're up to about 20. I literally have no
idea how many my wife owns. In her closet there are probably a hundred.
But there are also shoes in places that I don't even know about,
storage facilities….
ELLE: Like a warehouse dedicated to housing your wife's shoes?
MB: She has archives of a lot of stuff from her show. But it's
not totally hedonistic. They get auctioned every once in a while to
charities and stuff like that.
ELLE: If for a night you could inhabit the body of any man to pick up women, who would it be?
MB: Maybe Philip Roth.
ELLE: Are you kidding? Wouldn't a woman who'd read anything he's written sprint in the opposite direction when she saw him?
MB: I have a feeling he does all right. Okay then, Marlon Brando.
ELLE: Are we talking about when you worked with him on The Freshman, the muumuu period?
MB: No, when he was wearing tight tank tops, doing Tennessee Williams on Broadway.
ELLE: Did he ever impart anything to you about women?
MB: He gave me one tip. He was talking about a woman nearby and
he said, “Look at that ass.” He just loved it. And I said, “You don't
think it's a little big?” and he said, “No, that's what you want. You
want that abundancy.” I remember he used that word.
ELLE: What should you never, ever say to a woman?
MB: You shouldn't say anybody else is hot.
ELLE: What's your most feminine physical feature?
MB: I always worry that my hips are fat.
ELLE: Does this anxiety extend to the butt?
MB: No, I don't have a big ass.
ELLE: What's your biggest weakness in relationships?
MB: Forgetfulness. I forget dates, what I was told to do, what I was supposed to pick up.…
ELLE: Have you forgotten the kid in a store yet?
MB: Not yet, but please don't put that idea in my head.
